A Vicious Cycle
by Dragonfly-Moonlight
Summary: AU: Life is a never ending circle. People come and people go. But some people are trapped in a vicious cycle, doomed to repeat the same mistakes for all eternity.


"No . . . Stop . . . Please stop . . . Father . . . I can't . . . I can't breathe . . . Father . . . Please."

Kagome looked up from the campfire to where Inuyasha slept. A small frown graced her features as she watched the tired hanyou toss his head back and forth, his breathing a little raspy. For the last few days, he'd been plagued by nightmares concerning his father but, when he awoke, he had no memory of what he dreamt about. She'd try to tell him what he said while he slept but to mention it would be to irritate him. Sango, Miroku, and Shippou had backed her up. Inuyasha, however, wouldn't hear of it.

"Why would I be talking to my father?" he had demanded once. "I never knew him! He's been dead for years now! Tell me why would I be dreaming about someone I don't even remember!"

They'd dropped it after that, leaving sleeping dogs to lie, as Kagome had said. He continued to have the nightmares whenever he slept, which had become a rarity for the hanyou. And no one dared to wake him when he did fall asleep and dream. He lashed out if anyone touched him.

"This has got to stop," she murmured. Sango and Miroku raised their heads as soon as she had spoken. They glanced in the direction she gazed in. Shippou slept contentedly in her lap while Kirara dozed in Sango's.

"I agree, Kagome," Sango stated. "But how can we help? He doesn't remember anything."

"I know," she sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She stared back at the fire. "But there has to be a way to help him, some way to jog his memory about what he's been dreaming . . ." Kagome fell silent, her thoughts trailing off. Her mind, however, had kicked into overdrive.

'There might just be a way,' she mused. 'I wonder if it's even possible in this era . . . Kaede would know . . .'

"We should head back . . ."

"What was that, Lady Kagome?"

"We should head back to the village . . . I need to talk to Kaede . . ."

"What for, Kagome?" Sango inquired. She finally looked at her companions.

"I think I know of a way we can help Inuyasha, but I'm not sure . . . That's why I need to talk to Kaede."

"What is it that you have in mind, Kagome?" Miroku inquired softly. She cast a glance over at the slumbering hanyou. His ears twitched every now and then, and he occasionally thrashed out in his sleep, his face contorted in pain. His breathing began to sound harsh, ragged, as if he were choking. Sango and Miroku followed her gaze once more.

"It almost sounds like he's choking," the taijiya murmured. "Perhaps we shouldn't wait for him to wake up?"

"No," Kagome shook her head. "We shouldn't. He's been getting worse each time. I'll tell you along the way."

"Kirara," Sango stroked the neko youkai's head. "Time to go, Kirara. Back to the village."

The small youkai slowly opened her eyes then stood and stretched herself up. She lifted her head up and mewed at Sango, her two tails waving back and forth. The taijiya gestured to Inuyasha.

"You need to carry him, Kirara. We're heading back to the village."

Kirara nodded her head once in understanding then sauntered over to Inuyasha. Out of all them, Kagome had noted, Kirara was the only one able to get close enough to the hanyou without being struck. She watched as Kirara rubbed up against Inuyasha and the hanyou respond by wrapping his arms protectively around her. The feline then transformed into her larger form, Inuyasha sprawled across her back. He adjusted himself slightly and Kagome noticed a change in his breathing. It became steady and even.

'Almost like he was under water or something,' she mused as she placed Shippou in her basket.

'Maybe he was,' a little voice whispered. Kagome shivered at the thought.

'All the more reason to get back to the village and talk to Kaede,' she told herself. "Are we ready?" Kagome quickly looked around.

The fire had been put out, their belongings had been picked up, and Kirara had already begun to move, moving quickly yet carefully due to the hanyou on her back. Already, Miroku and Sango were on their way, stopping only to make sure that she was ready.

"Silly question," she smiled wryly as she ran to catch up.

888888888

Kaede hummed softly to herself as she set about cleaning and sorting her herbs. Surrounding her was a group of nine small girls and two boys, each youngster copying her exact movements. She allowed herself a small smile. Each child had displayed some amount of spiritual power, something that had greatly pleased her. She had never taken a husband over the course of her life and had no heirs to pass her knowledge on to. As much as everyone hated to think about it, she wouldn't be around forever. She knew it. She accepted it.

'And that is why I teach them what I know,' she told herself. 'I know Kagome would be better suited for the job but it is still uncertain as to whether or not she will stay in this time. She has her own family to think about it.'

"How are we doing, Lady Kaede?" one of the girls asked.

"Ye are doing fine, child," she smiled. "Just a few more and we'll be done for the day."

"Yes, Lady Kaede," the children chorused. They continued to work quietly for a few moments more, Kaede keeping a surreptitious eye on the children. A light breeze picked up, carrying with it a slight but familiar demonic aura. She frowned.

'What are they doing back so early?' she asked herself, rising to her feet. 'They left only a few days prior.'

"Kaede?"

"Keep sorting the herbs, children," she told them, smiling a little in reassurance. "'Tis nothing, I'm sure. When you're done, ye may go."

"Yes, Lady Kaede!"

Carefully, she stepped around the nearest child then strode in the direction the traveling companions were coming from. She thought she detected a hint of urgency emanating from Kagome.

'What could have the child so bothered?'

She didn't have to wait long to receive any answers. Kirara appeared first, Inuyasha sprawled across her back. Behind the neko youkai were Miroku, Sango, and Kagome, each wearing a worried expression.

Kirara came to a halt next to her, but Inuyasha had yet to make a move. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that the hanyou had his eyes closed and his breathing came in short, ragged gasps. He moaned softly, muttering somewhat incoherently. She had to lean forward to catch what he had said, frowning the entire time. It sounded like he was pleading with someone to let him breathe.

"Kaede," Kagome started breathlessly. "It's . . . Inuyasha . . ."

Worry knitting her brows, she placed a hand on Inuyasha's forehead. Kaede nodded to herself, taking note of the heat and perspiration on the hanyou. He jerked underneath her hand, a coughing fit wracking his body.

"Hmm . . . We must get him inside him. This doesn't look good. Tell me . . . what has happened to Inuyasha to make him so ill?"

"Ill?" Kagome blinked. Kaede nodded as they resumed walking. "He wasn't ill when we left camp last night."

"He's been having nightmares, Lady Kaede," Miroku stated. "But he can never seem to remember them when he wakes up."

"He can't?"

"Yes, Kaede," Sango agreed. "He became quite angry with us for telling him about it. He's tried not to sleep at night but it always seems to catch up with him."

"He keeps calling out to his father," Shippou piped in.

"To his father?" Kaede raised her eyebrow at the kitsune. The youngster nodded. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," Kagome bit her lower lip. "He keeps saying he can't breathe . . . It's like he's drowning or something. I was thinking that there might be a way to get him to remember what he's been dreaming about but I'm not sure if it's possible in this era."

"And what is that, child?" the elderly miko inquired. Already she did not like what she was hearing. And she had a hunch as to what was wrong with the young hanyou.

"In my time, there are some people undergo hypnosis," she explained. "It's how they find out if they've had a past life or suppressed memories from their current life. I was hoping if you could tell me if there's a way to do that in this era."

"Aye, there might be," Kaede began slowly. "It might help if I knew how this hip-no-sis was done."

"Well, the person undergoing hypnosis is put into a trance and asked to relive the event that they've suppressed or what's been haunting them. I'm sure that, if I hadn't been pulled into the well, I would've gone through it myself," the young girl stated. "Especially if I had started dreaming about Inuyasha."

Kaede nodded as they entered her hut. Kirara had already gone inside and now lay curled around Inuyasha. The hanyou still thrashed in his sleep but he had grown considerably weaker since she had last seen him. He could barely lift his arm up.

"I think I've heard of such a thing being done before," she finally admitted. "I'd have to consult some of my scrolls to see if it might be there but it could prove to be difficult, especially if Inuyasha does not wake. How long has he been asleep?"

"Since early last night," came Kagome's answer. "Why? Is that bad?"

Kaede looked to Sango. Out of all of them, the taijiya had been learned in youkai lore. She'd be able to explain it better than anyone else.

Sango picked up on the silent message and gave a slight nod of her head. Then she sighed."I'm afraid so, Kagome. Most youkai don't sleep that long, unless they're under a spell of some kind."

"You think that Inuyasha might be under some sort of spell?"

"Hai, child," Kaede nodded. "Some youkai have been known to kill their offspring that way."

"That's terrible!" Kagome exclaimed, horrified.

"But sometimes necessary," Sango told her. Kaede listened as she went about checking Inuyasha. She'd heard this once before but, she reasoned, it didn't hurt to hear it again. _Especially_ if that's what was happening to their hanyou friend.

"But it's still terrible!" the girl cried out.

"Maybe so," the taijiya slowly agreed, "but some youkai lords have found it be a necessity. Especially if the offspring has become a threat to, not just themselves, but everyone around them. It's what one of them would do if they had actually sired Naraku instead of him creating himself the way that he has. They don't do it because they want to but because they _have_ to."

"Is it possible then that Inuyasha is under a spell like that?" Miroku asked.

"Very possible," Sango replied.

"But his father is dead!" Shippou pointed out. "How would he be able to kill Inuyasha if he's dead?"

"Would Sesshomaru know about this spell?"

"Not likely," Sango shook her head. "The spell, from what I have heard, has to be cast out of love and concern for the targeted offspring, not hatred or malice. And it only becomes known to the parent once the offspring has become a legitimate threat."

"So, if it is this spell, how is it being cast, Sango?"

"I don't know," she shook her head. "I don't know."

888888888

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes as he stared at the small hut the small group of humans had disappeared in. He had picked up their scent some time ago, especially the change in Inuyasha's.

'He's dying,' he thought. 'I can smell it. But that isn't the only thing I detected . . . Somehow, I caught Father's scent mingled in with theirs. How can that be? Father died when Inuyasha was just a pup.'His father had always been a bit of an enigma to Sesshomaru. The taiyoukai had been powerful. Very powerful. Hyoga had been no match for him. Naraku, even with the nearly completed Shikon no Tama, would have been no match for the inuyoukai. Ryukotsusei had been the _only_ one capable of mortally wounding his father. And, for that, Sesshomaru had blamed Izayoi and Inuyasha.

'He should have drowned Inuyasha at birth.'

An image came to his mind at that moment, a memory of when he'd been a child. Sesshomaru frowned as it flashed before him.

He'd been a pup of five years. It had been a warm spring day and he'd begged his mother to let him go outside and play. Reluctantly, she had let him go, telling him to stay in the gardens.

At first, he had obeyed. There had been plenty of things for him to do but his favourite had been practicing for when he'd take over the Western Lands for his father. He had always craved his father's approval and attention for everything and received it. Sesshomaru had loved to see his father's eyes light up at his antics. However, for a short while, it had grown rather difficult to keep his father's attention for more than a few seconds. The taiyoukai always appeared distracted, restless. He'd wondered what had happened to bring out such behaviour from his father. Even his mother had seemed perplexed by it.

Then Sesshomaru had detected his father's scent and it had been close by. At the river, if he hadn't been mistaken. If he'd had ears on the top of his head, they would have stood straight up. A small amount of excitement filled him. His father had been gone for a few days, out roaming the lands to keep them safe for his family and the people he ruled over, and he had missed the taiyoukai greatly. Forgetting his tiny castle of stones momentarily and his mother's command to stay in the garden, Sesshomaru had run as fast as his little legs would carry him in the direction of the river.

'She won't mind if I run to greet Father,' he had reasoned. 'And Father won't mind, either! I'll surprise him!'

Grinning, he had continued to run until his father's scent became stronger then slowed to a walk. Several more scents had floated back to greet him, causing him to frown.

'Grandfather . . . Uncle Kenmaru . . . Uncle Akira . . . Uncle Hiroshi . . . what are they doing here? Did they come for a visit?' His heart nearly soared as he thought about spending time with his uncles. Granted, his Uncle Hiroshi was a hanyou but he was just as fun, if not more so, than his father's older brothers. But there had been an unfamiliar scent mingled in with theirs, a scent that had been somewhat familiar yet alien. It belonged to neither his father nor his uncles, or his grandfather for that matter, and blood had begun to mingle in with it. As he crept closer, the sound of someone thrashing in water had greeted his years. Finally, his father, his grandfather, and his uncles had come into view and Sesshomaru had frozen in place.

His father had waded out to the deepest part of the river and had hunched over something. Sesshomaru had not been able to see his face. But that was not had rooted him to one spot. A clawed hand had grasped his father's wrist and had dug itself so deep the blood poured forth, riding downstream. Close to his father's chest had been a set of ears. Ears that looked like his Uncle Hiroshi's. Around his father were his grandfather and uncles, each one wearing either a look of mourning or of indifference.

For a moment, Sesshomaru had thought that his father was trying to drown his youngest brother but it had been eliminated when he'd seen the hanyou's impassive face. With baited breath, he had watched his father hold the unknown hanyou under the water until the hand let go of his wrist and went limp. Then he had carefully lifted the prone form out of the water and cradled it close. Sesshomaru's view of the hanyou's face had been obstructed by his father's arms but he had managed to catch a tiny glimpse.

'He's so beautiful . . . Why did Father kill him? Why didn't Uncle Hiroshi stop him? Or anyone else for that matter?'

He'd been hit with a sudden impulse to run at that moment. Sesshomaru had always known that his father had been powerful and dangerous but it had hit him hard in that single moment. And it had felt like he had just witnessed something that he shouldn't have.

'Father would be disappointed in me if he knew I saw that,' he had thought as he had quietly backed away from the scene then turned and ran for home.

Sesshomaru shook his head to clear away the memory but it left him puzzling. Who _had_ been the hanyou that his father had drowned those many years ago?

'He must have been feeling guilty. I can think of no other reason as to why he kept Inuyasha in the first place.'

He returned his gaze back to the tiny hut where his brother lay. The scent of death had grown considerably stronger. One of Inuyasha's companions, the taijiya, exited the hut at that point, running off on some mission that only she knew about. Shaking his head and dismissing it as a pathetic attempt to save his hanyou brother's life, he continued to stare.

'It's a matter of time now before he passes.'

Next to him, Tensaiga pulsed once then quieted. Curious, Sesshomaru glanced at the sword that his father had bequeathed to him. He waited for it to pulse once more, its indication that it wanted to save the life of the one who lay so close to death but it never came.

'Why? What is it that you're trying to tell me, Tensaiga? Is it truly Inuyasha's time to die? Is his passing to have little dignity? Father . . . what is going on?'

To those questions, he had no answer.

888888888

She ran. Why, she hadn't been able to say. Sango merely knew that she had to get out of the hut and quickly.

At first, she had believed it to be because she couldn't bear to watch her friend suffering as she knew that he was. The truth, though, was that he was passing quietly in his sleep, something that normally was never afforded to a hanyou. It hadn't changed the fact that he was quite possibly drowning _in_ his sleep or the fact that it was Inuyasha's own _father_ drowning him while he slept. What she hadn't been able to figure out was _why_ Inuyasha's father wanted his youngest son dead.

'There's a reason,' a tiny voice had whispered in her ear. 'There has to be. If Inuyasha's father hadn't wanted him to live, he would have killed him a long time ago. You just need to find out _why_.'

As she drew closer to the edge of the forest and to the Goshinboku tree, Sango realized that she was being lured away from the hut and away from Inuyasha. To the Goshinboku. She felt a demonic aura calling out to her, spurring her to run faster. And she wasn't able to stop herself.

The Goshinboku came into sight and Sango slowed. She came to a complete halt when she saw a faintly glowing figure staring up into the branches. Her breath hitched inside of her as she gazed at him.

The youkai had his back to her, his silver hair pulled into a topknot. She shivered slightly as she studied him from behind. His armor suggested that he was a very powerful youkai. Arm guards, two metallic, spiked shoulder mounts, fur stoles on each side . . . Something about this youkai felt familiar. He turned to face her and she felt the blood draining from her face. Golden-amber eyes gazed back at her, each cheek of his adorned with a single, violet jagged stripe, and he gave her a questioning look.

'Much like Inuyasha's when his youkai blood takes over,' she thought idly.

"You're not the one I was expecting," he stated as he slowly strode over to her. "I was certain that my call would be felt by the strange miko in your company, especially since she's a reincarnation."

He stopped in front of her, examining her as she had done to him. Then he sniffed slightly, once again reminding her of Inuyasha. His eyes widened.

"Seems I was mistaken," he murmured softly, bringing a hand to caress her cheek. "She's not the only other reincarnation in the group."

"W-what?" Sango's eyes widened even more. "What other reincarnation? What are you talking about? Who are you?"

"I," he leaned closer to her, his eyes becoming hooded, "am InuTaisho, former Lord of the Western Lands. And when the time is right, I shall tell you what you need to know."

Sango reached a trembling hand out to him, her fingers coming in contact with one of the soft, velvety fur stoles on his shoulder. She quickly retracted her hand.

"You . . . you shouldn't even be alive," she whispered. "This isn't even possible!"

"I'm afraid that it is," he told her. "And I'm only here for a short while."

Her eyes hardened and she balled her hands up. She met his gaze head on.

"You're killing your own son," Sango hissed. "How could you? He's your _son_! What kind of a father are you?" She remembered what she had told Kagome, how the spell could only be done out of love, but it couldn't stop her feelings of anger from rising out of her.

"The kind that's interested in my son's salvation."

"What? What has Inuyasha done to deserve such a fate!"

"He made a promise," came the simple statement. "A promise he should have never made and that should not be fulfilled. Believe me, it kills me to do this to him but this is the only way I can think of to save him."

"A promise? You mean his promise to follow Kikyou into hell?"

The silver-haired youkai nodded. "I know my son. He takes his promises very seriously and he won't break it for fear of dishonouring his friends and for fear of dishonouring me. He's always been that way."

"Always been that way? What . . ." He cut her off by placing a smoldering kiss on her lips. She trembled as he moved closer.

"I will explain everything later," he breathed. "Right this moment I'm more interested in saving my son and I don't have that much time. Please. No more questions."

Her protests unsaid died as he kissed her once more . . .

888888888

_The sun shone bright. Birds chirped from their nests. In front of him, a river wove itself lazily into the horizon. Simply put, it was perfect in every way. _

"_Inuyasha . . ." His father approached from behind. "You know that I don't want to do this . . ."_

"_I know, Father," he whispered.  
_

"_But it must be done. For your sake and for others." _

"_I know."_

_His father embraced him from behind. He sniffed lightly, his father's tears greeting his senses._

"_Don't cry, Father. Please, don't cry," he pleaded, his own emotions threatening to choke. "It's all right now. I know my mistake . . . and I won't make it again. I promise."_

"_This has never been easy, Inuyasha. Please don't make it sound like it should be."_

_He had no response for that. He never had. 'If only I could stop making the same damn mistake over and over again.'_

'_Where did that come from? Why am I even agreeing to this? Is it because of the sadness in Father's eyes? He did tell me that it was important that we do this. For my sake.' _

"_I do love you, Inuyasha. I always have. And I always will. Know that."_

"_I do."_

_Without releasing him from the strong embrace, his father led him into the river, the water causing his hakama and kimono to cling to him. His hair had been pulled back, a status of his youkai/warrior status. He shivered slightly in the chill of the water._

"_You will live again, my son, as you always have" came soft yet strong declaration. "Make no mistake, you shall live again."_

_Inuyasha turned to face his father, his eyes alight with confusion. He paid no attention as his grandfather and uncles arrived. They were witnesses that the deed at hand would be done. Before he could question his father's words, his world plunged into a blue-green wonder. He could barely hear, he could barely breathe. As much as he hadn't wanted to, he struggled to surface._

"_No! Stop! Please stop! Father . . . I can't . . . I can't breathe! Father . . . Please!"_

'_What did you mean when you said that I would live again?'_

888888888

"Remember, you must do this . . . When you get back into the hut, hold him close, as a mother would."

"And this will save him?"

"In a way, yes," the youkai sighed tiredly. "He will still die but he will be reborn. Then, once he is gone, prepare his body for his funeral. My father and brothers will come to collect him. And promise me . . . promise me that he will not make that dreaded promise ever again. Make him promise to not follow anyone into hell."

She couldn't deny the sense of urgency she heard in his tone. And she felt too tired to even try and argue with him. Sango nodded, her eyes drooping.

"Thank you . . . Izayoi," InuTaisho smiled.

"Huh?"

"You are her," he stated. "She, too, had been a reincarnation when I met her. Somehow, she always manages to be Inuyasha's mother in each of his lives."

"But . . ."

"Go, my dear. Inuyasha needs you. More than what he ever has before. In time, everything will become clear."

InuTaisho rose to his feet then walked away from her, his form shimmering then fading away altogether. Sango steeled herself then got to her feet as well, duly ignoring the pain that stabbed its way up to her abdomen. Taking a deep breath, she broke into a run, heading for Kaede's hut. The youkai lord had promised that Inuyasha would not pass until she returned and did as he had instructed her.

'I just hope he's right,' she prayed silently as she ran. She didn't dare think about what would happen if he wasn't.

888888888

"Kagome?" her mother called out softly. She barely lifted her head up when the Higurashi matriarch stuck her head in. "Are you all right, Kagome?"

"Yes, Mama," she whispered hoarsely. "I'll be fine. I just . . . I just can't believe that he's gone. It happened so suddenly."

"I know, dear," her mother soothed, sitting next to her on the bed and setting a ratty looking scroll in her lap. Gently, she rubbed her back. "But I also know that he wouldn't want to mope around and whither away, either. You have a duty to fulfill, an obligation to him and the rest of your friends."

"It's just too hard, Mama," Kagome sobbed. "Every time I think about going back, I think about him. And it hurts. It hurts so much."

"Kagome, my darling, I know it hurts, but you can't stop living because of the pain. You're not doing yourself any favours and you're not honouring his life. Here," she placed the scroll next to her. "I think you should read this. Once you're done, I have a few more for you to read. After that, if you feel like you can't go back then . . . then you don't have to."

Her mother stood up then exited her room. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Kagome swung her legs over the side of the bed. She picked the scroll up and broke the seal, unrolling it. A hand flew to her lips as she read and more tears spilled from her cheeks.

"Oh, Sango," she murmured. "Why didn't you tell me sooner about what had happened that night?"

Quickly, she folded the parchment up and hid it within her desk. For the first time in four weeks she felt a little better. Angry, still sad, but definitely better.

"Mama!"

"Yes, dear?"

"I'm going back," she declared. "I'll need my supplies!"

"Of course, dear." Kagome practically heard the smile on her mother's face. "Remember, I still have some more scrolls for you to read before you do!"

"I'll read them when I get back to the Feudal era," she replied back. "Right now, I don't have the time!"

Kagome had just opened the door to her room and stepped out into the hall when her mother appeared at the top of the stairs. Her eyes glowed with concern.

"Something the matter, Kagome?"

"It's Sango, Mama. She's going to have a baby. I need to get back there right away."

"Oh dear," Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed. "Do you think she'll be all right?"

"She will be once I get back," she told her, determination scrunching up her face.

"Kagome?"

"Mama, I'll explain when I come back. Right now, I need to get back to the Feudal Age."

"All right, dear. I'll get your bag ready. You might want to get a shower in the meantime," she smiled then disappeared down the stairs. Kagome could only nod her head.

'I just hope Sango doesn't have the baby before I get there. Kami, don't let her have that baby until I get there!'

888888888

Letting out a tiny yawn, Shippou curled himself into a ball and tried to go to sleep. Since Kagome had left four weeks prior, the kitsune had had a hard time sleeping at night and only found comfort in sleeping next to Sango. More specifically, against her growing abdomen, where he had currently nestled himself.

The fact that the child would be a hanyou didn't bother Shippou. He had accepted Inuyasha when he'd been alive and this child would be no different.

"I can't wait for you to be born," he whispered to the unborn pup, yawning again. "We're going to have so much fun together! When you get big enough, we can play with Kirara out in the meadows and help Kaede pick her herbs! Would you like that?"

The kitsune smiled when he felt the child kick in response. They'd had many conversations like this. Sometimes it irritated Sango, sometimes it didn't. It all depended on whether or not Miroku had given the taijiya a hard time that day or not.

"I think he'd like that very much," Sango chuckled, her hand stroking the kit's head.

"And what are you going to name the child once he's born?" a familiar, feminine voice asked.

"Kagome!" Instantly, Shippou had launched himself at the girl from the future and hugged her. "We missed you so much!"

"Indeed we did," Miroku agreed, stepping in behind her. "We're very glad that you're back."

"Glad to be back," she replied. "Well, Sango? What are you going to name your child?"

"What I had promised his father I would name him. Inuyasha."

_Finis_


End file.
